do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
