my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
