I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
