Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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