I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
