She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
