Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
