OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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