I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Watching her eat just hurts me
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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