I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
