Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
