my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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