i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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