afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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