You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
