apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize