I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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