Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
