i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
