ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
