tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
