I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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