I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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