We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Can I color on your dick again?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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