are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
