Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
