Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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