Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
