Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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