you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
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My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
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He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?