Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
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So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
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Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.