your parents love me but you hate me
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.