you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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