Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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