he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
