she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
