Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
