We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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