I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize