Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
