I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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