she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
