Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
