I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
