Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
