no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
