Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Someone came in the potted fern
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
