i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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