Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
