i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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