I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
