Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
