If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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