I accidentally had phone sex last night
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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