i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
where are my eyebrows?
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