you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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