I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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