guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just found a bag of teeth...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
