god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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