umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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