I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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