So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think people are normalizing furries
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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