The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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