I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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