I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
do nipples grow back?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
