ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
