So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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