I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
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He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
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We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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