A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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