Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
