I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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