Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
