Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
