You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
