I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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