I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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