i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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