His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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