You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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